How to Make a Great First Impression

You’ve heard it before you never get a second chance to make a first impression, but it seems kind of unfair, because when someone meets you it’s just a tiny sample of your day and smaller sort of snippet of who you actually are as a person. It might not be your best moment, maybe you’re stressed out, you woke up on the wrong side of the bed; you were rushing didn’t have time to shower or shave or really pay attention to what you’re wearing. So, it’s you but it’s not really your best you, but to that person to whom you’re meeting that small snippet of you is a hundred percent of what they know of you.

Unfortunately, that can have a lasting effect. For whatever reason, humans are hard-wired to hold on to first impressions. According to Olivia Fox Kabane in The Charisma Myth, the research shows that when we have the choice between changing our minds about something or looking for proof, that there’s no reason to change our mind, we gravitate towards the proof. Once we’ll make a judgement about a person, everything else gets filtered through that lens. So, if you make a bad a first impression, it’s not that you can’t recover it. It’s just really an uphill battle after that. So, what can we do to make a great first impression from the start the obvious answer might seem at first that it’s just to be your best self, but this is a little vague. When you meet someone for the first time, you communicate with them on a couple different levels. 

Now in following we see what factors include to have great first impression. 

Non-verbal Communication

Nonverbal communication is the transmission of messages or signals through a nonverbal platform such as eye contact, facial expressions, gestures, posture, and the distance between two individuals. There are different nonverbal communication, you just want to make sure that all of them are working for you rather than against you.

Appearance Makes a Statement

Your appearance, it makes a statement you like it or not. Of course, it’s not fair, but people make snap judgments about you based on how you look. Are you dressed well? This isn’t about having expensive clothes it’s just about whether you take pride in your appearance. Are you well groomed? Did you comb your hair? Are you dressed intentionally? What you’re wearing does it fit the environment that you’re in.

Energize Your Body Language

Next there’s your body language because if you’re slumped or you’re slouched or you are closed off, people pick up sometimes on that, not consciously but even just on a subconscious level. You’re sending the message that you lack confidence, that you’re not comfortable in your own skin and that you’re not happy to be there. Why not take the opposite approach to make your body language represent the best version of you. So, stand up straight, pull your shoulders back, walk with confidence so not only does this signaling the other people but changing your body language can actually change your physiology internally, as Amy Cuddy from Harvard showed that when you change your body language for the positive that sends signals to help regulate cortisol and increase testosterone which ultimately makes you feel more confident.

Project Warmth

Are you smiling, are you making eye contact, or do you seem sort of distracted and distant, do you look like a friendly person who someone could approach and have a chat with, or do you look sort of cranky like you got sand in your boxer briefs. Which of these do you think is going to make you seem more welcoming to talk to. Keep in mind in social situations no matter how confident people are nobody wants to be rejected or blown off. Everybody wants to be accepted. So, the more you can make yourself seem like a welcoming environment for people to come up to, the better first impression you’re going to make to those strangers.

Confident Handshake

Cultivate a confident handshake. The final and really important part of nonverbal communication is your handshake. What does your handshake say about you, is it a lip fish apology of a handshake that’s basically says I have no confidence and I’m not at that interested in meeting you or is it the other extreme that says because of my various deeply rooted insecurities I feel compelled to show my strength by trying to crush your knuckles with my mannequin. No! you don’t want either of those you want something in between firm yet measured your handshake should say, I’m a confident man and I’m really excited to meet you and learn more about you.

Verbal Communication

The other major part of a first impression is verbal communication, what you actually say. Patrick King says in his book Chatter, the verbal first impression includes about first 10 or 20 words that come out of your mouth. The takeaway is that some of the first things that you talk about and how you talk about them with someone when you meet them for the first time are going to affect what they think of you, possibly for a very long time.

Be a Storyteller

When you first meet someone for the first time, you’re going through some of basic get to know you sort of conversation and whether or not you like small talk. Chances are the other person is going to be asking you something like, what do you do for work, what do you like to do for fun, how do you know a mutual connection of ours. Instead of answering by dryly recounting facts about who you are, Patrick recommends actually thinking of your life in terms of mini stories. How much more memorable are you if you can attach a colorful anecdote to everything that you share about yourself. For instance, instead of saying I’m an accountant, you could say, I’m an accountant, I’m a math nerd. In fact, when I was a kid I loved crunching numbers so much that for my seventh birthday instead of having a BMX I insisted my parents sent me to math camp. Having a few unique tidbits like this can help you stand out and make a more memorable first impression. Also by sharing personal details like this will give the other person something to latch on to. Something that you know might help you build rapport because it could be a shared interest or a passion. If nothing else you know a funny or a harrowing story always is a good way to break the ice.

Become an Expert Listener

Being able to talk about yourself in an interesting way is really important, but even more important than that is to become a brilliant listener. In the book First Impressions: What You Don’t Know About How Others See You, authors Ann Demarais and Valerie White say that there are four emotional elements at play when you interact with someone. How you feel about yourself because sometimes that can come across subtly when you meet someone. How you feel about the other person and that people can also pick up on that how that person feels about you and finally how that person feels about themselves. Demarais and White argue that that last one is the most important. Ultimately, when you’re in a conversation with someone, they don’t care if you’re rich or poor or you’re tall or short or whether you have a 180 IQ, they just want to be appreciated and valued. As Maya Angelou said people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did but people will never forget how you made them feel. Meeting someone is all about being your best and most interesting self, but for that other person their experience of meeting you is really more about them. That’s where being a good listener comes in. Really actively listening shows you’re fully present and you value the other person. Leaning in towards the person who’s speaking, making eye contact or tilting your head to the side, showing they’re sort of processing what they’re saying. Verbally reacting and asking follow-up questions that show that you’re in the story with them. Match your emotion and energy level with them. When they’re telling an excited part of the story, you’re excited. When they bring things down, you’re right there with them. What’s amazing about this is just how much it improves the other person’s impression of you. Even if you share very little personal information by giving them your undivided attention, it actually makes you memorable in their eyes. The old saying is true: you never get a second chance to make a first impression. That’s why when making a first impression you should always strive to be the person you want people to remember, because they’re gonna that means taking stock of all the nonverbal things you say without saying anything to make sure that they’re working for you and not against you. Your appearance, your posture, your overall warmth, your handshake, and it also means being a better conversationalist. Which is probably about 30 percent learning how to tell your own story in a more interesting way and about 70 percent in becoming genuinely interested in other people’s stories.

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